Warhammer 40K: Meet the Gods
by badsy
Summary: <html><head></head>The galaxy dances to the tune set forth by those that cannot be understood. But now it is time to gain insight into the Gods of the 40K universe.</html>
1. Chapter 1

Hi Guys,

Here is a new item I have been working on; little interviews with the gods of 40K. I hope you like it.

KHORNE

What?! An intruder in my realm?! Where is this intruder?! Who is brave and bold enough to come to the centre of my fortress? What warrior seeks to challenge ME in battle?! SHOW YOURSELF!

…Ah there you are brave warrior. A human, I expect no less. What is it An'ggrath?...NO! This thing that comes has traversed through my Fortress to me. I will not deny myself a fight with this warrior, nor will I deny this warrior of a worthy fight. Any who slay this fighter shall face my wrath!

Now, brave warrior, come closer to my pyre, into the light. Don't be shy little warrior, I am not going to kill you. At least not yet. Ah, I smell fear and concern. Afraid you may have bitten off more than you can chew? It gets the blood pumping does it not?

My blood is pumping as well, but for an entirely different reason. It has been a long time since an intruder has come before me. My fortress is not something that can be traversed by anyone. To swim through the blood rivers of Pal'torek, to move through my infernal legions, to sidestep my cannons, and yes, to finally enter the Brass Citadel.

Yessss….you are truly a warrior worth fighting. For the first time in an age I can finally stretch my legs and taste the sweet nectar of combat. My sword, 'The Warmaker' longs to take blood once more. But what is this; you come with no weapons? Ah, so you wish to challenge me in hand to hand combat do you? You are either brave or a fool to challenge me the mighty Khorne. Marvellous. Truly marvellous.

A warrior will brand anything his weapon, but only a true fighter will use hands as their weapon. Very well warrior, though my sword hungers for blood, it shall remain in its sheath.

Yes. We shall do battle, a glorious battle and when you die by my hand your skull be sanctimonious amongst the others that make my throne. A proud trophy which I shall keep preserved and treasured from now to the end of eternity! SO COME BRAVE WARRIOR! LET US DO BATTLE!

Ah, the warrior speaks. Yes you feel the battle approach, the thirst rises in you? Though afraid you are excited, yes. What is it warrior? Let my Daemons know what a true warrior sounds like.

….'Don't get up?' What do you speak of?

….You are not here for a fight? THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE! Why have you traversed my Fortress if not for a fight? What kind of warrior are you?

…'To talk'?...HOW DARE YOU COME BEFORE ME?! I should smite you right now and cast your soul into this fire pit along with all the other cowards! Foul worm, you are not even worthy of my blade or my attention! An'ggrath, deal with this insect!

….Hold, An'ggrath. My thirst for blood is denied, but my interest is piqued. What could you possibly want to talk about that you risked traversing my Fortress risking a bloody death? Speak insect, before I lose interest.

…Me? You wish to discuss me? Such flattery and arrogance. You think your puny mind can comprehend me? But if you wish to hear Khorne then so be it, take a seat insect.

I notice you are staring at my throne. Larger than you thought huh? To you perhaps, but these skulls are the accumulation of thousands of years of combat. When I first became aware, the throne was little no larger than an Emperor Class Titan. Now look at it.

But know insect, I am not ungrateful of my throne. I reflect on the blood spilled in my name just as much as I look forward to the blood yet to be spilled. Each skull belonged to someone, and they died for me. Willingly or not is inconsequential and I find it appropriate to know their names.

This one here, belonged to Martelli Acheius of Krieg.

This one here belonged to Crull of the World Eaters, a pleasantly sadistic acolyte but he learned at the hands of an Ork that a warrior must be skilled, strong and _intelligent_.

This one here belongs to an Ork by the name of Dakka 'Ong Killington, a particular ruthless Warboss who caused quite a mess in the western fringes of the galaxy.

But this one here I am particularly fond of, this unremarkable skull belonged to Spencer Fif, a veteran of the Berserkers. A true acolyte who knew me better than others. Knowing my desire for blood was paramount, he took his own life. As a token of his loyalty I always keep him close, right here just where armrest meets the spine of my throne. Do you see it?

…'Fif', the very name brings a smile. You wanted to talk to me insect well I have the perfect topic. Let's talk about Spencer Fif. He was a true warrior and he saw what I saw. 'What' you might ask? Well insect, he saw blood and he fell in love with it. He loved blood in all its beauty and imperfection. He loved its colour, its texture, its taste and warmth. But more than that, he loved what it represented.

What did the blood represent? It represented life, in all its forms. That is what I feel when I stare at the pools and rivers of blood that flow through my Fortress; life. Nothing is more exquisite than watching life flow out of someone's body and into your own.

More than that he appreciated the very nature of how blood came to be. It came through struggle and pain, rage and jealously. These are the elements that require blood to be shed and never has anything mortal or otherwise felt more alive than taking these dark emotions and fuel them into something spectacular.

I knew this and so did Spencer Fif. Do not believe contrary, his sacrifice was welcomed and his blood was added to the great rivers. However even though I am surrounded by Daemons and so call heretics, Spencer Fif was a rarity. He shed blood because he liked it.

Everyone at my command, from the greatest of my Daemons to the lowest of my worshippers kill and shed blood because of a reason. That is the problem. They need a reason. Angorn came to me out of vengeance. Urka Az'baramael did so out of pride and lust for power. Demonbreed did it out of fear. Even Kharn, the ever faithful, he sheds blood both enemy and ally alike. But he does it out of rage and bloodlust. Admirable qualities which I approve of, but his path to me was rimmed with pride, betrayal and resentment. Those that claim to kill for the sake of killing, although plentiful are not genuine. Those that are not driven by some personal agenda are hopelessly insane, allowing the warp to cloud their senses.

But not Spencer Fif, he did not join out of a desire for power, insanity or vengeance or anger. He definitely did not join to please me. He joined us because he liked blood, he appreciated it. He studied it like an art; took his time to enjoy it. While my acolytes share blood for me hoping to gain my favour, Fif shed blood for his own reasons. It would be appropriate to say that he never actually chose my path, but rather his path ran parallel to mine but never truly intersected. Yes, despite the company I keep and the legions that flock to my call every day, I rarely come across a sane blood aficionado.

…Don't look at me that way insect. I know what 'aficionado' means, and I know how to use it in a sentence too. I do not know where you people get these ideas of me being a mindless brute, most likely because of Tzeentch. That duplicitous, arrogant pansy is nothing without its bag of tricks. That quaint little maze thinks it can stop anyone from encroaching on its safety. But what is to stop someone levelling the entire maze?

That is what it and Slaanesh fail to understand. They are completely driven by self-interest, they are never just interested in doing something for the sake of doing it. There always has to be a plan, they never just DO IT! They are always thinking and imagining. I suppose in the end that is why I was given life by humans as opposed to the Eldar. While Eldar are intellectual and boring, man is very much an animal race.

While Eldar are interested in what colour a plant should be, man is killing each other and droves, given to their primal element. All that desire to shed blood would amount to something. In this case it was me.

I have a fondness for blood. As a consequence, I hold an affinity for all those emotions and reasons that would lead to blood being drawn. I am warrior because what else would shed blood. I am the personification of hate and anger because those are the primary drives that fuel bloodshed. But they are just labels. Something a puny mind gives so it can understand, but they cannot see me for what I truly am.

And what I am is a haemophiliac.

….Yes, I know what that word means too. As a haemophiliac I know blood. I know it very well. I am called the Blood God for a reason, speck. As a consequence, although I love blood I know its quality when I see it.

The river over here flows with the blood of the noble and proud. Warriors through and through, you can tell by its texture, slick like oil. But this one here, no not that one, the other one, the flows with the blood of the devoted, its texture is nondescript but the smell, of copper and earth.

That eerie red glow from the river next to it; that is Eldar blood. That runs unpleasantly low and has been for some millennia. The Eldar have forsaken the path of true warriors and embraced trickery. Failing that, Slaanesh claims them for her own…purposes. Freak. I cannot tell me which irks me more.

A new river that has begun to flow is that of the Tau, that strange bluish substance over there. I know it looks gigantic to you, but to me it is little more than a cup. I watch it more out of curiosity than actual enjoyment, their blood is gelatinous and boring.

The Ork river over there is less a river and more a tidal wave. But despite its impressive size it is unappetizing and unremarkable. Have you ever partaken in Ork blood?

…No I suppose not. Be thankful for it is weak and petty. It is like comparing a mass of bread as opposed to an elegant fine wine.

Don't get me started on Tyranids. Those annoying little shits. I might as well try and get blood out of a rock. They fight for every drop and desperately claim everything they lost. There is no sport behind them. There is nothing interesting about those creatures apart from the fact that they want to steal my game for their own. To hell with THAT!

That river behind you that contains the blood of faithful, those humans who serve Anythema. Strangely enough I have always enjoyed watching that river the most. It is easily the most beautiful and prevalent in my Fortress. More so, the blood contains fear…so much fear.

I know what you are thinking. 'If they are so fearful, wouldn't they be cowards', the answer is no. Every man who is in battle faces fear, but only cowards allow that fear to overcome them. That is the difference between the blood that flows in this river and the chaff that is cast into the pyre here.

…You look upset. Could it be that you can hear their screams? Do not weep for the worthless, for like I said, they are just chaff.

I must admit mortal, our little talk was much more amusing than I thought it would. But I grow weary of this. This is normally the part where I would allow my Daemons to split your skull. But it would seem a waste to kill you after you have heard all I said. Besides I have sacrifices being offered to me even as we speak. Your blood can wait.

So go insect, leave and do not return. You clearly were not meant for this place. But know that I am aware of your existence and I will be with your forever. Every paper cut, every scratch; I will be there.

Go.

0o0o0o

Hope you enjoyed.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys,

Here is the latest one. I hope you enjoy. It's still experimental at this stage and as you can probably guess I like to put my own spin on things.

I must first state that while I love the 40K universe, I find there is so little lore on any of the main gods or deities I can't really tell how accurate these portrayls are. I guess that is up to you to determine.

Without further ado...

TZEENCH

Ah so you made it.

Right on schedule too. I did not want you to come, but I knew you would. Please, step into my office.

Disconcerting isn't it? Trying to track a voice with no origin, allow me to help; I'm on your left.

….Your other left…That's it.

Hi.

I apologise for staying in the shadows. I am not one for the light, especially in company. Nothing personal. Try focusing on the hood, it helps.

I never expected you of all people to make it to my labyrinth. Nothing has ever made it to me unless I allowed it. Then again, things change.

Hahaha. I'm sorry it is bad joke. You probably would not understand. Tell me, how did you make it through my maze?

…Ah it doesn't matter.

I must declare your trip might have been in vain. I know why you are here, and I'm afraid that I cannot help you. Where you see answers, all I have are questions. You come here for truth, but all I have here are secrets and lies. You truly cannot trust your surroundings, much less what I say.

Besides I'm far too busy doing nothing. This isn't even my office.

Still you are company, and I like company. It is a change of pace compared to my usual seclusion, I am not much of a social deity like Slaanesh or Nurgle.

How about a nice game of chess? Want to play?

...Come on, who else could say they had a game with Tzeench? Exactly, friggin no one.

So have a game; guests get the first move so you get white.

….Hmm, decent opening. My turn.

…I can see this might take a while. Where was I? Ah yes, your appearance in my office. Here to talk, or to listen?

But I do not see how anything we might discuss would in fact be taken on board; everything here is a lie. You think that impressive mahogany desk is actually here? You think the carpet you stand on is Octorian Silk? You think my ceiling actually contains a detailed map of the galaxy? You think I am actually here? You think you are playing chess with chess pieces like that pawn in your fingers? You're silly.

… en passant? Huh.

I must wonder though, how was your trek to my office? Was it confusing and maddening? Did it take a thousand years for you to make it or only a few seconds? Was it a test of your skills in predicting and calculating fifth dimensional walls moving through the space time continuum? Did it fry your brain trying to solve the logic puzzles that I created with a specific paradoxical loop? Was it a challenge unlike anything you have ever faced and most likely ever will?

Or was it as simple as poking a mouse or touching a key? Haha. Sorry; bad joke.

Nice block by the way.

But isn't that what I am? A bad joke? Something that stopped being funny or perhaps was never funny in the first place. Something so painful and irritating that the very mention of my name causes painful groans and frustrated howls. But isn't that the nature of change? Painful and irritating?

Not so. I remember a time when change was not painful, or irritating. Quite the opposite in fact. You were all so different way back in the day; humans I mean. Before your precious Emperor came along and made you so dull. There was a time of great change, technology, sociology papers. I recall the time you created a proton accelerator…

A Large Hadron Collider? You know, a big thing that throws atoms?

….Ugh look it up. Read a book, if you can find one that has not been burnt by now.

Anyhow, there was major debate as to the nature of what would happen? What would the consequences be if such a strange and wonderful machine was ever used? This is why hundreds of your scientists wrote papers with boring titles such as 'Will Relativistic Heavy-ion Colliders Destroy Our Planet?' I thought I could chalk it up to another boring race who won't do anything interesting.

….Awww, so long my little knight; I will miss you so!

But then your people's rebuttals to such arguments was basically, "Let's turn it on and find out!", and you did. I was never more proud; you saw risk and decided to go for it, you were rewarded with a level of technological superiority beyond your imagination. That is when I knew you humans were something special.

But…things changed, didn't they?

You humans don't like change anymore do you? Of course not; it is a terrifying thing to even consider. There is a certain comfort in stagnation, isn't there? Although change could lead to good outcomes, they could just as easily lead to bad.

But what is bad? Or good?

Did you know, once upon a time mass slaughter and Exterminatus was considered wrong? I know, I was shocked too. My how things have changed…

Bad and good are just concepts and semantics; one man's joy is another man's torture. But would anyone know if it was bad or good unless they bothered to try. Didn't your mother always say that you should try new things? You might even like it.

That is why Nurgle and I never got along. Nurgle's obsessed with the past and everything being the same. That is how he likes things; simple, easy, constant…and completely boring. That would actually be the perfect way to describe that fat bloated carcass; boring. Boring Nurgle. Nurgle the Bore. I like that. I think I'll keep that.

…'Me' you ask? What about me? That is the question isn't it…what about me? Well, why don't you take a guess…come on, don't be shy. Heck guess correctly I'll even spare your rook which is dangerously close to my bishop.

…'the future'…ooh! So close! But so far.

Say 'bye-bye' to your rook: Yoink!

The future is mysterious and unknown, leading to paths you have not even considered. Sounds like me, right?

Wrong; because change does not take place in the future.

'Where' you ask? In the present of course! The future merely contains the result of change. Right now at this moment thousands of things are changing. The circumstances of the past lead to a precise moment where something is going to do things differently. They are going to choose to make a change.

Maybe a flower is going to evolve to combat its ecosystem.

Or a general has decided to retreat, when orders tell him to advance.

These moments are happening right now as we speak. Little moments where something different is going to happen, the story is going to deviate. Change will be made, whether it be good or bad.

Change is what gives me strength, but it could just as easily cripple me. But that is why change is a glorious prospect!

But change for all its strength, is nothing without the desire. Contrary to popular belief, I am not all powerful. I cannot force change to occur, it is the people scurrying around like ants that truly make things come to fruition. Conversely I could be lying, like I said; you can't trust what I say.

…well, I wasn't using that rook anyway.

Where was I? The will to change? That sounds about right. Take the Anathema for instance. He did not want the Imperium to turn out this way. But did he do anything to change its course? No. He just sits around….

Haha. Sorry; bad joke.

Seriously, he did nothing to change its direction. He saw it and just allowed the ship to crash into an iceberg…or a neutron star. Whatever. The point still stands. Look at what happened to the Imperium, ten thousand bloody years of not changing. Just look at them.

Having trouble imagining? Here look at the map on the wall over there. Right there, see it? The strange and ever changing colours? But notice how it is in the Eastern Fringe of the Galaxy? The West, dull, black and boring. The East, alive with conflict, ambition, treachery and of course a big ass war. But the West? Stagnant. Any change, much less the potential for change is stomped out by humanity's fear and paranoia. I swear you people need to learn to live a little. That may sound racist, but that is because it is.

You might want to watch that knight of yours. The map may look pretty but we have a game going on here. Not that you may not care, you are up by two points.

But back to Anathema, you know he is my adversary now, he's an adversary to all of Chaos. But he was a champion of change once upon a time – Ah! Jerk! You took my bishop…hohoh I'll get you for that.

But once the so called 'God-King' started seeing what could happen, he panicked. He did the very thing he should not have done, he stopped change. When things stop changing they stagnate, and once that happens Nurgle takes control and I am left in the metaphysical boondocks with my thumb up my ass.

Oh, you little….'check' my ass! Ugh fine…

Where was I? Oh yes…Change was important to survive, look at the Eldar, they stopped changing and now they are a bunch of space gypsies wandering around the galaxy.

Necrons are boring as shit; 'Hey you! 'Bzzap!'

Ah! Got your knight! Wait…did you take my other knight? *sigh*

Tryanids…well those guys are a spanner in the works but hey, that makes things all the more fun.

Orks? Ha! Those guys could not care less about advancement. I got to give Gork and Mork credit where it's due, they're dumber than stone but they are at least entertaining.

The current favourite for me is the Tau, those little buggers have got something special about them. Just like you humans used to have. Only their entire culture is based on change, they see something better they take it, and if they can't they adapt so they can. They change not only their surroundings but themselves.

But despite humanity's fall from grace, I still have high hopes. Sure you are stuck in a never ending cycle, circling the drain to your imminent doom, worshipping some wannabe Messiah who can't even blink and all while fighting an entire galaxy of foes…But hey, things change.

Case in point; our little chess game. You got me on the ropes, I seem completely defeated, I'm…what's that…oh is that a pawn that has escaped your notice…oh what a shame! You were so close to beating me. But as I said before and say it with me now:

'Things change!'

Well Queen me…aaaannndddd…check and mate. Oh what fun!

Now, now, I know you thought about your moves carefully, at least I think you did. But you know the rumours about me. They are probably rattling around your mind as we speak. I know you are too polite to voice what you are thinking, so I'll do it for you.

'Did I genuinely win or was it all a set up? Did we have an honest game or did I cheat?' Such good questions…

But the real question you have to ask, and I am sure will irritate you to no end, is this: would you believe me if I gave you the answer?

….well it's been a real time and a half, but you know the saying 'time flies when you're having fun'. Fun indeed; I hope you enjoyed our little talk.

Haha! I say 'talk', I was doing most of the oratory. But I must say you were a good listener.

I'm sure you can find your way out, after all you managed to find your way in. Try to ignore the paradoxical loop; that will make things easier.

I hope you take what I said on board; doing things differently I mean. You will probably wake up tomorrow morning and do the same mundane thing. But I hope that you will do something different; go left instead of right, have a different brand of tea, eat somewhere else…something…anything...

Then again, maybe you shouldn't listen; secrets and lies remember?

I doubt we'll see each other again, but if we do I hope you will be generous when I come to you and say…

'Got any spare change?'

Haha. Sorry; bad joke.

0o0o0o

Well there it is. I hope you enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun with this one.I cannot guarantee when the next one will come out (if there is a next one), but I'll see what I can do.

Review as always. Take care.


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